October 2nd

WOahhhhhh it’s been a while since I’ve brain vomitted on here! Let’s see what comes out.

So much “anxiety and depression” these days. Is happiness a choice? I think yes to an extent, but I’ve never been clinically depressed or anxious. Now the people who have been diagnosed and have something chemically off in their brain’s I can understand. But in todays world, perhaps especially in the social media crazed Los Angeles where I currently reside, it seems like everyone is depressed or anxious.

I went to a little church group the other night and they have been discussing depression and anxiety (d&a) in their sermons lately. In the group, people shared how they are experiencing symptoms and their thoughts about the why. I listened and sympathized. But then I said something, and I’ve been marinating on what I said a few days ago and now I want to write it out and see if it makes some sense.

D&A seem to stem from us thinking we should do something or be someway. It’s especially easy to think that now since we are all constantly comparing ourselves to others via social media or just on a trip to the grocery store when you open the door out of your beater car next to somebody’s brand new fill in the blank. Anyways, I said it is the word should that seems to be the root of much of the D&A that inhibits us. So how could we change this. Heck, how could I change this in my own life.

My experience with D&A has never led to a panic attack or led me to do anything dark. My experience is just that I mope around a little bit, feel heavy and slow, and just don’t feel like doing much. My grandma had this sticker on the fridge that said “happiness is a choice”. Whether or not this is true, I feel like it can become true if you chose to believe that happiness is a choice. I’ve made the choice, but sometimes I forgot that I’ve made the choice and my minor D&A lingers. But D&A lingers inside the brain, so if I just recognize that crap is going on in my brain, I can just switch it off and chose to be happy. RIght? So easy….. NOT. But I do get an instant feeling of becoming lighter when I do make the switch and chose to accept what is and be in the NOW.

The shoulds in my life need to turn in to wants. I want to eat healthy, I want to go to the gym and workout, I want to learn, I want to network, I want to go to work etc. If in your own brain you are saying that you should do something, it’s almost like you’re living according to some other person’s plan or will for your life. Is it possible to get rid of all the shoulds in your life? Eh… probably not. But maybe? I want to go to the dentist <——HA!

Furthermore, I had a difficult conversation this week and boy oh boy I’m relieved. It sucked during it, but after a weight got lifted off of my chest and maybe a little space in my brain freed up. When I have something that I know I need to do, it’s almost like it occupies a certain space in my brain which can not be freed up until it is done. What’s it gonna feel like when I get all of those little things done? Idk, freedom? more room for creativity? more fun? Probably. So I’m off to go figure out all those little hinderances or annoyances in my life so that I can be more free to BE. Cheeya!